We have been back for over 6 months now, and yet I still feel completely overwhelmed by... life itself, it seems. At this point, it is hard to pinpoint the problem: is it adapting to a different country, a different position at work, being a parent? Was that too many changes at once?

I am getting nervous as all the important conference deadlines in my field for this year are coming and going and I still don't have anything to submit on my current research - over the past few months, I have been submitting 7 single PI or collaborative grants, which seems like a lot but is apparently only the obvious thing to do, I have experienced some issues with getting work material (also a classic new independant investigator obstacle, I know...) and got a taste of administrative and student-related adventures. Technically, things are starting to fall into place and I can start working properly while waiting for the grant results and new deadlines, *but* it seems there is so much to do and so little time to get it done! In the end, I guess that's the bottom line: I am just not putting in the time anymore. Nor could I do it if I wanted to. Between family duties and local logistics, I am basically in the office between 8:30 am and 5pm and I am so toast in the evening (with the prospect of getting up at 6:30 am!) and having my hands full during the week-end that I am down to the proverbial 40-hour week that my postdoc self would qualify as a walk in the park. While everybody else is going full steam ahead...

So, I have to come to terms with the fact that in the grand scheme of life it is not a big deal to skip a couple of conference deadlines, and that "every body else" is not necessarily without qualms. This post in partcular resonated with me, as well as this other post on work-life balance and on a less personnal level, this post about the emerging requirements for reseachers. In fact, I even recently saw a workshop at a major conference proposing a discussion of the challenges new independant investigators face: moving on from working on your own research project to in addition get funded, hire students and other collaborators, set up a lab, and so on.

I was at the park with my son this week-end, guiding him with slide etiquette and safety (wait for your turn, don't stand at the bottom of the slide where you can get knocked off your feet by kids coming down...) when someone said: "Do I hear an American voice?" - That was a lady from North Carolina, talking to me. Me. The American voice. Talk about being knocked off your feet! 

This is especially significant for me on several levels.

a/ I spent my first few years in DC trying really hard to avoid speaking with an Amerian accent. I listened to Clare FM on a daily basis and checked myself every time I opened my mouth. Of course, you can only keep that up for so long, so in the end I just gave in and accepted the fact that if I was going to live in DC, at some point I would have to walk the walk and talk the talk.

b/ in spite of all that, being a non-native speaker, there is no getting entirely rid of your foreign accent. Other non-native speakers may not catch it, but natives usually can tell you're not from here. So, being mistaken for a native is flattering in a way - some kind of recognition that you've achieved true blending, you've succeeded to adapt and fit in! I am especially sensitive about that now that we're back because I want my son - who is an American citizen - to be in touch with American culture, language and values. I am nervous that even after seven years I am still too foreign to pass enough of that on to him. Now, I wonder whether this other Mom is puzzled over the fact that after 10 years in France, a French woman sounded American to her.

Anyway, that was an interesting encounter with another multicultural Mom.

I am not claiming that everyday life in the US is necessarily easier, compared to France. However, life in a familiar environment, wherever that is, is definitely easier.

I am slowly re-adjusting to France, and getting used to the way things are here. However, right now, I am not exactly familiar with my environment. As a result, the simplest things become a challenge. 

Shopping for a pasta dinner should be a five minute stop at Leclerc. Alas! everything is different here. The brands, the packaging, the size of things, the way they're organized in the store... Tomato sauce does not come in a can! Instead, you have to track tiny cardboard boxes of 200 ml. that ressemble juice containers for children, so you'll need about two to a 15 oz. can. Parmesan does not come shevelled! Instead you'll need to track small opaque bags of powdered cheese (again, at least two are needed to match a 2 cup bag). All this converting is exhausting. I should know, it was the same story when I first set foot in a Safeway but that was so long ago!

Shopping bags in hand, going home should be easy. But the smallest wrong turn at the wrong time of day easily adds 45 minutes to a 3-minute commute. No kidding. This daily travel time russian roulette is exhausting. And nothing prepared me to that, not even rainy days on Old Georgetown road.

The cherry on top of the cringe cake is wanting to bake muffins - but the muffin pan is in the shipment. Wanting to watch a good old episode of Gilmore Girls for comfort after an exhausting day - but the DVDs are in the shipment. Wanting to put some bigger socks on my son's growing feet - but the larger baby clothes are in the shipment. Wanting to use our winter comforter because it sometimes gets cold at night - but our linens are in the shipment. You get the drift. Everything we thought we could do without for 6 to 8 weeks is in a shipment that has been somewhere between Maryland and France for a solid 9 weeks. There is no getting a firm answer as to when we'll finally see our stuff again. "Likely next week, or the week after" has been heard so many times that it will eventually come true. And when it does, perhaps we'll be back on the path of day-to-day routine being easier again.

If you're moving overseas - or any place where storing left-over gear in Grandma's attic is not an option, really, you may want to consider the following: 

1. Whatever you think you're going to pack, up that by 50% and that is likely still a low estimation of what you will end up packing

2. Reconsider saving best for last. Even if it seems to make sense to hold off packing the items you use the most on an every day basis, and/or the items you like the most until the end so that you can enjoy them longer before the move, don't. Just pack it all, the sooner the better. Because otherwise you will end up with all these prized items that need to be packed at the 11th hour when suitcases are already bursting and over the airline-approved weight limit. So chances are, around 4 am, some will get packed poorly and suffer during the trip, and some won't even make the trip because you're just too weary of shifting stuff around for the gazillionth time. 

Contre toute attente, on trouve des endroits formidables au fin fond de la zone industrielle de Rockville, loin des enormes centres commerciaux qui donnent aux alentours immediats de Rockville Pike un semblant d'animation. Ce week-end, nous en avons experimente deux:

-          la fameuse boulangerie Saint Michel dont tous les francais du coin parlent depuis des annees – mais je n’avais pas pris le temps d’y aller jusqu’a present. Il faut dire que sans GPS et indications précises, ce serait difficile a trouver. Mais ca vaut le coup de tenter le jeu de piste! C’est bien meilleur que chez Paul, et moins cher en plus.  Commande massive de mini-viennoiseries prevues pour mon pot de depart.

-          Le take-out indien TAJ - trouve au hazard sur yelp, on ne regrette pas d’avoir fait confiance aux commentaires elogieux. De fait, le menu est varie, les plats sont tres bons, pour un prix fort raisonnable: moins de $25 a deux pour une entrée, deux plats, un dessert et des lassis a la mangue. C’etait meme suffisament copieux pour faire un repas supplementaire avec les restes. On y retournera surement, car le temps consacre a cuisine va bien diminuer dans les prochaines semaines!